Sitting all cozy in my office chair with keys clacking away, the ever droning hum of small office noises fills the air. Scores of small fans whir away while industruial lighting ballasts are buzzing. The occosional soft banter or cough disrupt the unchanging symphony like leaves falling onto a still pond. "POP!" then a rapid whoooooosh... a persistant and loud hissing. I look above for a broken pipe, steam shooting out of the wall or maybe sparks from a transformer. What?! Where?! Am I in danger??!! Looking low, I see the culprit. Alas, t'was merely the front tire of my bike, burst and whistling away every ounce of pressure within it, till at last it reaches equilibrium. The clacking on my keyboard has stopped but the fans whir on and the ballasts buzz and people continue their banter and winter coughs. Guess next time I'll let off some pressure before subjecting my tires to a 70 degree climate change. Thermodynamics is a b17ch.
I wrote this for you, Musical Musician. ;-)
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Ice Biking: Drat!
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2 comments:
Not bad with the exception of the present participles, but this is just personal taste. A style adapted after severl critiques of my poetry. So I might write, "Air spews out of the tire" rather than "Air was spewing out of the tire". Again, just a personal style. But you definetely have the imagery which is required for creative writing. The descriptions created a distinct image in my mind which is the point of creative writing. Now, you can return to your program language. We should hold a poetry slam with your commteam.
You could have used some graphic imagery... perhaps the bike was alive and when its tire popped, the intestines sagged down from the rim and dribbled blood on the office floor while the dying hiss filled your ears.
Joel you could help him in that area. (Dude your poems frighten me)
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